It's easy to put off doing what you love, there is no necessity for the body or for your financial state. There is always time to do it tomorrow, always room to assume there will be a tomorrow. I have been talking about shooting the fall foliage in Arkansas for many years and have consistently missed it.
This year, I lost my job, it seemed appropriate to go and finally shoot autumn in Arkansas. You either have money and no time or time and a lack of funds. There is also the doubt and apprehension that seems to follow you when you do what you want and not necessarily what convention says you should.
I described the ride as melancholy: so many ghosts on highway 30 going east. Several times I would have preferred turning around and coming home, feeling a bit isolated and lonely. I pressed on and what I experienced was that blissful moment of being out there. Freedom is never more evident than the feeling on the road and solitude welcomes great insight.
I've been intent on living on the continent and not necessarily in one state, that's my goal. The apprehension I felt making the break is the muscle that has atrophied with time. It's foreign for someone that has been responsible for a family, a single dad for the last 14 years, to be somewhat emancipated, even if for just a day or so.
I'm always looking for someone to say you're failing, not being responsible. I have an eighteen year old son that insists I get out there and supports me breaking away. I'm not sure which of us is growing more at this point, all I know is it's a natural progression for both of us despite my feelings of discomfort.
I used to think I'd be a wildlife photographer and yet I didn't think I wanted to be alone for periods of time doing my job. Now everything is questionable- I am open to what ever destiny makes itself known. I am learning more about myself outside the constraints of fear and apprehension.
I realized yesterday, it was exactly what I needed. When we get off the treadmill, we realize the apparatus that surrounds us. The distance between places to go, people to meet, things to discover seems less. You realize the anesthetic we use to keep us feeling comfortable, at ease; waking from that anesthesia is a little unnerving.
With the feeling of being refreshed and renewed, ideas flood my mind, options and opportunities seem more available. Today I went and bought painting supplies, a new palette which will be a clean slate for the next series of paintings.
I feel open and available to create. When you are running in the static of daily life, sometimes the best you can do is jump off and realize adventure is just a drive away. Freedom is truly not only in our grasp but by choice.
Jump in, the water is fine!!!
The newsletter is going out this weekend. it's filled with photos, paintings and writing.
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More posts and photos about the trip.
https://niume.com/pages/post/?postID=163253
https://niume.com/pages/post/?postID=161436
https://niume.com/pages/post/?postID=162323
https://niume.com/pages/post/?postID=160664
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