Sunday, December 10, 2017

The Edge of Concrete: Escaping Gray

The light today was flat. An overwhelming gray that dumbed down the entire landscape. It was like a metaphor for my mood.
Amidst all the grays-the light jumps out of the obvious. I sat and listened, trying desperately to get lost in nature. This was a small moment of letting go and being peaceful.

The Edge of Concrete: Escaping Gray
It’s against my nature to not respond. I’m the student that explains to the teacher how much I’ve learned while the lesson is in progress.
It’s natural as a creative to respond, we explain things, we describe things. I get the distinct impression the class has just begun and I need to be silent to fully understand today’s lesson.

The woods are  insistent, both in voice and presence. The only comparison I can describe is sitting by a grave stone or in a tree stand hunting, both of these activities demand silence. We must surrender to the quiet, there is a purpose to it.
The voice is always the same, that constant breathing, the long inhale and that slow expelling of wind. The trees shake, the leaves fall and amidst the uncomfortable silence the lesson begins.

I sit on the ground. So many thoughts seem to be simultaneously shouting for description. I feel so much weight of everything but you never realize it until you sit down. Stop, for even just a moment.
I feel the ache of age, I wonder if the oak feels the groan and bending in the winter wind. I feel every ache and pain, the long walk has my heart rate accelerated, even while its cold outside, I’m overheating.

I remember yesterday the traffic jam, how intense we are in our own lives we don’t realize how life is changing and affecting so many families. Our main responsibility is to savor every moment but do we?
So in this moment as the ground is alive with bugs and tiny things moving around, I am having a hard time keeping my mind from wandering to things to do, chores, ideas, I am overwhelmed. 

It used to be a given that I would get lost in a place like this, but now it takes a bit of work. I struggle, the adult says look at the time, pay attention to strangers, make sure your hydrated. The child that got lost in fallen leaves and could lose himself in the shadows and ignore the thorns…where has he gone? I’m still searching, desperate to be calm…what a grand task it has become even here in the middle of the woods.

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